The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
