How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize