Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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