We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
