yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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