Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You took a bar mat shot.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
