Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
