He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
