waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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