Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize