i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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