No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
