Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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