It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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