I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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