I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
