You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
