I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
