Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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