he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
