Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Found your dick twin last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
