Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
