turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
