just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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