Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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