i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
