i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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