watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
