I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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