He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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