just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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