I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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