I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
