What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
