Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
