oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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