you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
