I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
