I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
