if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
