We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
