My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
