dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
