I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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