Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
