remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
