i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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