i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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