i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
