Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
