I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
