did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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