I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
