We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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