i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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