Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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