my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
