Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
