oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
