I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
