I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
