I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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