i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
