that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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