I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize