Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Mom said you looked used
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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