DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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