if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
