He had one of those small greek statue penises
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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