how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My vagina just recognized that song.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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