ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
