i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
