his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
