I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
