His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
