My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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