the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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