sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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