Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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