ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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