Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
