you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize