and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's official drugs can't kill me
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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