I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
