Got a toothbrush?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
