Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
