I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
