Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
