what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
