I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
