Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
