Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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