i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
