i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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