I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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