The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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