Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
