I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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